What is a “Crypto Bro”?

Calling someone a Crypto Bro could be a form of insult, a term of endearment, or just a convenient way of describing someone who is young in the crypto space.

It is generally innocuous as a term, but considering how hyper-young the space is – well you just might not want to deal with this at all, now would you?

There is some etymology to the term:

Urban Dictionary defines a Crypto Bro as:

“A nerd with too much spare time and video cards. Thinks he is smarter than you because he buys and resells burnt forests. Will ignore any meaningful arguments against what he does by repeating something about ‘serious business” 1000 times.” source 

One of the first rules of a Crypto Bro is that they must be male. In fact there are a few basic rules of thumb regarding Crypto Bros:

• Male
• Condescending
• Always on their phones
• Use Crypto slang and abbreviations
• Overuse of the rocket emoji

This, as with most of crypto culture, ends up appropriated for different purposes. For example you would just say “bro”, “brah”, or “BROOOO” replying to a tweet that was perceived as being too “crypto broish”.

Yes, it does get to be a lot like this on Crypto Twitter. You can always read up more on this at Ugly Bob’s Crypto Twitter article. The point I’m making is that Crypto Bros are a tolerated sub-species in the crypto universe.

The work ethic of a crypto bro

Another example of crypto bros will be anyone joining, pushing, or part of a paid trading group. Extremely high-levels of brotosterone in there for anyone looking for Crypto Bros in their natural habitat.

Instead of doing the work, a Crypto Bro is looking to jump the line. This would be very similar to the guys who bought high-level Diablo, World of Warcraft, or League of Legends accounts.

Wall Street Bets guys, although similar, are not Crypto Bros. There is definitely a similar “paid group” sort of feel to them. Crypto Bros will be on things such as dextools.io, or anywhere that permissionless pools can be created with such great pairings as $EPRO/$WETH, $BONE/$WETH, and $DuDu/$WETH.

No, please do not engage with these products unless you are a professional shitcoiner, they are most likely not going to be the next Facebook/Meta.

The Bobs have a saying that if a project asks you to deposit $WETH – don’t.

All jokes aside (and considering I’ve completed my SEO equivalency for the topic of this article) let’s dive a little bit deeper into the mentality of a crypto bro.

What is the motivation of Crypto Bro?

Usually not great at sports, but looking to hone that competitive instinct, crypto bros are normally at the forefront of copy trading, copy culture, and copy living. Left behind by women seeking non-parental domiciles, Crypto Bros perch just one rung above incels on the male social ladder.

Just to be specific, most people on Crypto Twitter are not in fact Crypto Bros. A Crypto Bro is so motivated by acceptance into a fraternity they don’t understand that they end up just spouting text that an AI couldn’t train on.

Crypto bros wallow in the sewers of Internet forums. They pray for their chosen coin to “moon” or “rally”. Others on CT shun them for their simple ways.

“Look at this crypto bro trying to long Luna Classic!”

Crypto bros seek lottery and casino-style gains with no effort or research. The sad truth is that even if they hit a “x100” token they would just blow it all on the next paid trading group recommendation.

The real crypto natives usually take a year watching from the sidelines before they leave their reply-guy cocoons. Crypto Bros, however, have something to say and they want you to hear it – Right now!

Unfortunately due to years of military cosplay via games like Call of Duty, the Crypto Bro is unable to communicate with the rest of the world. Barely able to interpret the memes of crypto they dive head first into conspiracy theories, how-to-pickup-women accounts, and dog tokens. Lots and lots of doggie coins.

Every dog coin has its place, but the Crypto Bro strives for unearned growth, success, and acceptance in a world they can’t possibly understand due to blue light damage to their neurons.

What’s the difference between a Crypto Bro, and a regular crypto dude?

The work.

A Crypto Bro thinks a white paper is what goes in the photocopier tray. Addition and subtraction scares them, and they have trouble accessing a bank machine.

Regular crypto dudes can talk to strangers, make an introduction, and connect via convoluted Twitter threads, substacks, medium posts and scientific notation.

Crypto Bros are always asking for shortcuts: “How do I get rich now? This instant?”

Regular dudes take their Ls, thank others for their help, and have a near-British dark sense of humor. The other factions of Crypto Twitter for example are groups like: traders, researchers, university kids, NFTers, founders, influencers, community leads, anime peeps, developers, gamers, governance peeps, libertarians and so on.

Almost all of these groups hate Crypto Bros. The exception may be influencers who are sometimes able to separate Crypto Bros petty earnings via free mints and compromised discord servers.

Another easy sign of a Crypto Bro is the blame game. It’s never their fault – it’s always the illuminati, George Soros, Democrats, Republicans, Environmentalists, Epstein, media, or anyone but themselves. A crypto dude might partake in some of the above, but they’ll make you read a thread about it first.

Let’s wrap things up…

In conclusion (and partially because I haven’t gotten to a thousand words yet) we can expect a “Crypto Bro” to be a mere facsimile of the great culture that is Crypto Twitter (CT). Crypto Bros are the millions of men trapped in a matrix of their own choosing. They are so close to the truth, but unable to escape the promises of fast women and easy money. I don’t want to sound overly negative, in fact this entire article is mostly a farce to drive eyeballs to AscendEX, but there is truth in this mirror we raise to Crypto Bros.

The real kicker is that there’s no such thing as a Crypto Bro. It’s just what we like to call the phoneys, losers, and pretenders that swarm CT. All people are welcome to learn about crypto online – just don’t act like a Crypto Bro.

• Bob